Those who live in major storm prone regions know that their homes need to be “storm proof”. They build or buy reinforced homes with high psi framing lumber in the trusses and walls with oversized truss hangers to keep the roof anchored to the walls. The walls have multiple ties to the floor system, five ply plywood sheathing on exterior walls, cinderblock build, and reinforced windows with impact glass to prevent wind and water from entering the home. That’s all great, but what happens in a storm if you leave those expensive windows open? Answer- while the external structure may stand strong, the storm enters through the windows and scrambles/ruins everything inside.
We are much like those “storm proof” structures. We are often resilient through life’s storms- ours, the storms of the world, and those of who we love and lead. As parents, life-partners, relatives, friends, and leaders, we all know to be empathetic with others. We feel for them and we do what is in our power to assist as needed or requested. Empathy is healthy- leaving our “windows open” is often not. Like the storm proof house, when we leave our windows open, we internalize the problems around us, even those that are completely unsolvable by us. I catch myself doing this often. When folks are in “harm’s way” my nature is to dive in and assist. What I sometimes find myself doing, however, is making their problems my own. In those times I say to myself, “Close Your Windows”. Then it’s assessment time- what can I do to improve the situation? If it’s simply being supportive- do that. If it’s listening and giving advice- do that. If it’s resources (time or money), and you have it- give that. But “Close Your Windows”.
Again, walking in someone’s shoes is good stuff. You can help polish those shoes, re-lace them, maybe even re-sole them…but in the end, those are their shoes not yours.
There are fine lines in the spectrum of being empathetic and dismissive or noticeably uncaring.
My advice? Wherever and however you draw the lines…guard your windows.
-Nate Copeland